To be filled...

I'm making a quick appearance to remind those of you who have faithfully checked this silly electronic communicative page - that I'm still living and moving and breathing - in the name of Jesus.

Life looks quite a bit different today than it did only a few short months ago. How many of you can say that your life too looks quite different than you'd hoped or dreamed? Are you doing what you dreamed you'd do when you were five years old? What about what you dreamed of just 3 months ago as you made your new years resolutions? Many older wiser people have shared with me that their lives have turned out completely different than when they were youngin's on the road of life.

Life is such a journey. We travel. We learn. We live. We love. We gather people and wisdom. Yet we walk so freely and so closely to His heart that we remember the journey is His and we're following Him. How good it is to follow and not lead on this narrow path.

I was reminded in church today about being filled with God on this journey. We are to be a picture to the world of God. As a teacher made her way around the room as her class was drawing pictures of their most prized possessions she came finally to Billy. As she looked at his page she asked him, "Billy, what are you drawing"...Billy said, "Well, I'm drawing a picture of God"..."That's impossible", the teacher replied, "We can't know what God looks like"...The little boy said, "Yeah, I know. But that's why I'm drawing it. When I'm done we'll all know what he looks like". I want to be a picture of God in this world.

I believe there is a space in us which only God can fill. Blaise Pascal once gave a remarkable insight on the life of us humans,“There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus”
Jesus alone is the only thing that can fill that void in us.

As I was washing my hair this morning I was reading the conditioner bottle. The label said, "Herbal Essence - for normal hair". You see, we are pressured even by the smallest things to fight for the "normal" - to get just the right prescription for our individual needs. Whatever makes us normal that's what we seek after: SUV'S, books about being "Green", private schooling for our kids (not mine, I don't have any!), a new and better paying job so that we can have more and more of what makes us seem "normal". We are looking every and any place but to the One who can fill us for eternity.

But what is normal? Pascal was wise when he implied that "normal" is to be filled with the creator. To have that aching pain in our souls, which has been pounding since the Fall, filled with God's presence, promises, and faithfulness.

I've been reading Richard Foster's book, "Freedom of Simplicity". You ought to read it. I'm not really suggesting you read it because I could suggest it all day, I'm implying that you really should not go on without reading it. You ought to. Simplicity is intricate...but what I'm gaining from Foster's wisdom is the truth that the simpler our lives are emotionally, physically, financially, etc. the closer we get to really filling this God shaped vacuum in our hearts - with Jesus.

Daily I fight to fill this vacuum with the Lord's promises, his manna, and his unending goodness.

Jesus alone can fill and satisfy for eternity.

Be filled and blessed as you continue your journey.

Broken Expectations

I've decided something. And I thought I would share with you.

I'm in favor of broken expectations.

Yeah, I am.

Broken expectations.
Juggle that around in your brain for a few seconds.
Broken Expectations.

"Why?" - I'm sure you're bursting with curiosity...

I'm the "Naive Queen" when it comes to expectations...I say this in a joking way - but in all honesty with myself and with you - I'm really good at not knowing, or simply being naive of my OWN expectations ... I found this out a few years ago during my sophomore year of college. I learned a lot during my four years at Lincoln, but this may have been one of the most valuable ‘life lessons’ I learned. In every situation, conversation, meal, prayer - we have expectations.

Many times my expectations aren't met, and I am forced to rummage and sort through feelings of failure, confusion, regret, etc... all a result of not being able to understand or even know all of my own expectations.

Expectations give us hope: they send us moving in a direction: they are a measuring instrument.

I have spent the last year of my life in Joplin: living, working, breathing, eating, sleeping –I’m sure you get the idea. This year has given birth to lots of broken expectations.

I've rubbed shoulders with people I never dreamt I would meet. I not only met them but entered into friendship. I've had conversations with strangers who were incredibly intriguing. I've struggled continuously with, but learned to enjoy being alone. I've also learned to become selfish with my time. I've spent a lot of time in the sweet sanctuary of Starbucks, yet regrettably I've spent a lot less time in the sanctuary of sweet friends. I've learned to find new routes to and from the same destination, but I have found myself veering off course more than ever...and being ok with it. I've become more mature in silence, accepting the blank sound filling my ears - sometimes bringing a feeling of satisfaction.

As I was preparing to move back to Lincoln, I had a few expectations of my last week in Joplin:
- spending time wrapped up on the couch reading a good book
- checking my e-mail every few hours
- drinking re-heated coffee well into the late afternoon
- meeting with friends for lunch or dinner
- being domestic: cooking, cleaning, laundry

In reality and in spite of my own expectations– I wasn’t able to do any of these things. You see, a huge ice storm swept through Joplin…knocking out electricity for most of the city. It was crazy! The town was in a frenzy – traffic was backed up – Wal-Mart turned into a boarding house for selfish people trying to get what they “needed”…We had no electricity for 6 days: no heat, no light - what is this, Africa? ha!

But these broken expectations allowed time for other things:
- sleeping at Jace and Jesse's for 5 nights and 6 days: warmth, hot shower, good laughter and hearty conversations
- being creative with meals
- sitting by a real fire (I realized that before there was central heating there was a fireplace in most every room of the house
- meeting new people at Starbucks
- homemade oatmeal scotchies
- finding new places to recharge my cell phone and find internet (what was life like before this?) - remembering what a blessing and convenience electricity offers us

I think that expectations are holy...even if they’re broken. They offer us hope and serve as a measuring stick. If we look hard enough, even our broken expectations help us envision how faithful God is - eternally - presently. Because even when our expectations aren't all they're cracked up to be - God is still all he's cracked up to be - and our broken expectations give us a clearer glimpse of his faithfulness - his goodness.

I expected a totally different week. But those expectations were broken. And what a glorious and delightful week this has been. Maybe our broken expectations are a way God reminds of of his presence in our life.

P.S. - Oh, and I cut my hair - bet you didn't expect that! :)

Harvest Stew

Again, I have failed to write more than one post during the month...I'm not sure how an entire month passes before I find myself writing here again. I anxiously wait for you to update your blog and to see what's going on in your life... but obviously find it difficult to post or to share my ramblings and happenings with you...don't be offended...it's not a personal thing, promise!

Where did the past month of October go? It seems like the month just started...does it seem like that to you? The old saying, "Time flies" - becomes more and more relevant the older I get - really, where is time going? Paving the way into eternity...

Thinking of timing...timing often causes us to act. When we "act" - there's usually a cause that demands a response...when we act in response to time it's usually an urgent response - something needs to be done...something has got to happen.

It's true that I am one who likes to respond. Response is a way we live life, isn't it?
- Baby cries - we feed her, change her, play with her, give her attention
- Our stomach's growl - we feed it, give it a drink
- The phone rings - we answer it, make a decision to call back
- Stoplight turns green - we release our foot from the brake and press the accelerator
- Music plays - we tap our foot or find our head moving to the rhythm
- Seasons change - we sort through clothes and bring new ones out and pack old ones away

We are a response oriented creation...

Timing and the changing of seasons has caused creation to respond in beautiful ways this season. Fall is one of my favorite times of year, we can SEE creation's response to a change: leaves turning golden, orange, red...the air riding itself of humidity and being replaced with briskness...creation remembers well to respond to time.

Early in John's gospel he gives an account of Jesus speaking to His disciples about timing and response. The scene John depicts in chapter 4 describes Jesus traveling from Judea to Galilee as he was passing through Samaria. This was an unusual passage of choice - Jews usually made their way around Samaria to avoid Samaritans. Jesus again shakes things up and decides to neglect the detour and journey straight through the heart of the neglected Samaritan land.

Tired from the journey he sat down at Jacob's well and began a conversation with a Samaritan Woman about water - water that over time would continue to quench her thirst - would turn into a spring and burst into eternal life. She wanted this water... (response) - a water that didn't require her to return to the same well. After she shares her desire for this water (response) Jesus asks her to go get her husband. Up until this point she has been fairly responsive to Jesus (even though it is completely unacceptable for a Samaritin to be talking with a Jew)...but now - all she can muster to say to this strange man is, "I have no husband". Jesus, a complete stranger to this Samaritan woman doing her recurrent chore of drawing water begins to paint a picture of her life right in front of her eyes. She recognizes Jesus as a prophet and he reveals to her that he is THE Messiah whom she has been waiting for.

Jesus' disciples return from buying food and find him in conversation with this Samaritan woman - John records that their response was one of shock that was plainly revealed on their faces - but they didn't ask anything of the woman or of Jesus. What a scene...the disciples seeing Jesus a foreign Jewish man in this land talk to an unclean Samaritan woman ... and they have nothing to say - they were obviously pre-occupied.

The woman leaves to go spread the news of the strange Jew who told her everything about her life. The town began making their way toward Jesus (response) and his disciples. Meanwhile, the disciples urged Jesus to eat. They were more concerned with lunch time than the harvest time Jesus was interested in. Jesus was interested in this woman and her response to the Father's seeking. Jesus declines the offer of food from His disciples and explains that his food, "...The food that keeps me going is that I do the will of the One who sent me, finishing the work he started. As you look around right now, wouldn't you say that in about four months it will be time to harvest?" - Jesus had his priorities straight - he knew that the spiritual implications of his meeting this woman far outweighed the physical implications of hunger or 'Lunchtime'.

Jesus continued to teach his disciples, "Well, I'm telling you to open your eyes and take a good look at what's right in front of you. These Samaritan fields are ripe. It's harvest time! The Harvester isn't waiting. He's taking his pay, gathering in this grain that's ripe for eternal life. NOW (urgency) the Sower is arm in arm with the Harvester, triumphant. That's the truth of the saying, 'This one sows, that one harvests.' I sent you to harvest a field you never worked. Without lifting a finger, you have walked in on a field worked long and hard by others."

Fall is harvest time (both figuratively and literally)...Jesus teachings about the urgency of the harvest are so applicable in our everyday lives...many have gone before us and prepared the field...planted, fertilized, nurtured, etc. ...and the field has turned white, ready and prime for harvesting....Harvesting requires a response...we have to do the 'work' of harvesting - responding to that which God has prepared for us to do.

Thinking of all things harvested - corn, beans, tomatoes, green beans - I made a soup today to enjoy with some friends. We ate this hearty soup outside which was made up of the harvest crops and enjoyed sweet fellowship sprinkled with laughter. As I was cooking I was thinking of the ingredients and how they were all harvested...someone planted, fertilized, nurtured each individual ingredient. Putting all of these harvested items together reminded me of God's Kingdom and the work he's given us to do. I think I am going to coin this dish as "Harvest Stew"...because when the words of Jesus penetrate our hearts....a stewing happens within that compels us to be a part of the harvesting of all the peoples of the world and it makes a beautiful collection of people being sought by God and people seeking God.



Now is the time of harvest -It's urgent and requires an urgent response...

Father God, help me to have eternal priorities and an urgency in responding to your harvest timing. Jesus continue to teach me how to go about finishing the work you've left for us to do...your Kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Amen

Strength WILL rise...

...As we wait upon the LORD...

Some of my dear friends have been urging me to write for quite some time...but I have been reluctant to. From time to time I feel like there are things I should share, but mostly I like to share those things in conversation...one of the few favorites I have in the world. So, for those of you who have waited....

I don't have many favorites. Period. Those of you who know me best know this. You could ask me, and many have, what my favorite food is and I would respond, "Oh, I don't really have favorites"...you could inquire about my favorite music, and I would respond, "Oh, I don't really have a favorite genre"....and you could even solicit what my favorite thing to do is, and again, I would respond, "Oh, I don't really have a favorite thing I like to do"...

I like the amount of variety there is in the world far too much to settle down onto one solid thing which can be called my favorite. I enjoy a range of selection...an array of variety....I love assortment and choices...I don't think God is a God of "favorites" either ... He certainly loves diversity (created the world and the many different people) and he loves variety (think of the fall leaves)...

Two favorites I do claim however are conversation and coffee - because they're holy. These two things have been a huge part of what have shaped me...I firmly associate God's presence with them. They are my favorites...my heart is after them...

God's heart certainly is after His people. His desire is to dwell with and in His creation. His heart especially went out to a certain fellow, one who was after His own heart! Although I don't claim David as my favorite Biblical hero...he was a chosen man of God...and it is David's writings that have given me hope over the past few months....

David, the one who: was annointed King of Israel as a little boy, who killed a lion and a bear, who defeated the Philistines, who was betrayed by Saul, and who killed Goliath...
This is who writes to us in the 21st Centruy:

...I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
- Psalm 27:13-14

I can think of all the things I wait on...tables, appointments, coffee in the morning, that long needed conversation, car problems to be fixed, the computer to boot up, the first snow fall, growing up to be an "adult", a paper cut to heal, specific details to be ironed out, fall leaves, security, red stop lights, restoration (this takes time)! Waiting is a part of life....perhaps this is why David reminds us that STRENGTH will rise as we wait upon the Lord.

I take heart because these two verses say:
- I am still confident of this: David certainly had previous experience in the past (*time*) with seeing the goodness of the LORD. He said he is 'STILL confident'. The word "still" is language which insinuates an ongoing and continual process!

In what ways are you STILL seeing the goodness of the Lord?

- I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living: This particularly makes me think David was looking to the future...."I WILL (future language) see the goodness of the LORD". David had seen (past *time*) the goodness of the Lord and is confident that he 'will' see the goodness of the Lord in the future.

Are you looking for the goodness of the Lord to be a part of your future?

- Wait for the LORD - Then David says this!! I asked myself...even after writing the list of things we wait (*time*) for...do I WAIT on the Lord? If you notice...I didn't have that in my list if things I wait on....yet the one who was Chosen by God, who killed a giant, who was a shephard....waited for the LORD.

In what ways are you waiting for the LORD?

- Be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD- David is encouraging His readers (and us!) to be strong....build strength! Waiting on the LORD is valuable...yet, waiting isn't easy....it tests our patience (which is evidence that the spirit of God dwells in us)...it takes courage and strength, even discipline ... and David believed that waiting on the Lord was worth it...for he saw and would see the goodness of the Lord...so he offered hope and encrouagement!!

How are you being strong and taking heart while waiting on the LORD?

God has blessed me with a song...(if you click on THIS LINK you can go directly to Brenton Brown's site and hear it)- I hardly go a day without singing it...I wake up singing it, I sing it in the shower, I sing it when I'm driving, when I'm working....when I'm thinking of Niger and all those who are yet to know Jesus...

This is a Muslim family we met while in Niger...they are waiting (even though they don't know it) to hear the Truth about Jesus ...pray for them as they wait...


Yet our God is everlasting...he reigns forever...even He is waiting to be in relationship with those who do not yet know His goodness...Our God is a patient and waiting God...

I want to be one who "Waits Well"....I want to be diligent yet patient, hopeful yet fully present, waiting yet un-deteredly active... We are in fact, WAITING for the time in which we can feast at the Table with our everlasting, ever reigning, without beginning or ending, waiting God...

Be blessed as you wait...

Strength Will Rise As We Wait Upon The Lord!!

Summer comes and goes annually with each seasonal change...

I know..."What an original thought"!! But, I thought I'd put some pictures of some summer fun up, before summer escaped!! This is a watermelon eating contest with three of the interns I have been working with this summer at Mission Indy...we challenged each other to half a watermelon (originally we challenged each other to a whole watermelon!)...These are before and after shots...I love these girls!!




So much has happened in such a short amount of time! Graduating in May still seems surreal to me. It's hard to believe that I have a Bachelor’s degree and a certificate to teach English. It hasn’t quite hit me that I won’t be returning to school in the Fall. For the last 17 years, summer is always accompanied by the little voice saying over and over "School is just around the corner!" The absence of the academic setting which demands discipline and commitment, often accompanied by a mind which rebels against the demands of thinking critically…this idea - the absence of school- has not rooted itself as a reality in my life. It's the anticipation inside of me which will be disappointed as the summer comes to an end, with no new school year to jump in to. But this is the part of the journey where I get to actually use what I've studied and learned...I doubt there will be much disapointment...but I do believe the School of Life has a lot to continue teaching me...it seems its curriculum and syllabus continues to expand.

After some reflection and thinking about my time in Indy this summer I have realized this summer wasn’t just the “next step”. No…this summer has been a meaty transition into the next portion of the journey coupled by obedience and surrender. This summer I’ve gotten the chance to have great conversations about life and God and sometimes love – usually around a table with lots of food, sporadically accented with cups of coffee. But this love isn’t idealistic or romantic love…it’s the love that drives me to pursue Jesus…that helps me understand transition…that teaches me about grace and flexibility…for me this summer has been about God teaching love. This summer has been a formidable time, which has helped me see more clearly the ways in which God is ACTIVELY working in the world, restoring all things to himself…and why he’s chosen me to be a part of it, a tiny one at that, escapes my capacity to even imagine. Another summer in the city of Indianapolis, working with Mission Indy, has stimulated my desire to be part of the restoration which is taking place in the world...

Some of the restoration is happening in Africa. I’m amazed at how much is happening in Africa – the wells that are being built, the schools being funded, food being distributed, medical care being given, education becoming priority – all of this is part of the restoration of the continent in Africa…and every small part matters...and Jesus says the small parts matter, even to these little ones!


For those of you who know me know that the small part I am trying to play in the restoration in Africa, is specifically in Niger, West Africa. I wanted to send an update so that you might consider praying for us and with us as we venture on this trip to seek greater insight and understanding of living and working in Niamey, Niger... My teammates (Katie Runner, Jace and Jessie Pavlik) and I will begin our traveling in nearly a week.


For the past two years we have been planning this setup trip and are incredibly excited about the things we will be doing and seeing during our three week stay in Niger. We will be departing the US on July 28th and returning August 17th.

The main intent of this trip is to gain a better understanding of the ways God is working in the capital city of Niamey and also in the northern part of the country as we will be traveling north to Agadez. In preparation for this trip and during our time in country we will be thinking and praying about ways which we can join in the work which we see God accomplishing in Niger.

This will be our final trip before our move to live there long-term in 2008.

Some ways which we hope to learn and grow from this trip to Niger:
- We will gain a better understanding of what type of ministry we want to pursue: experiential discipleship, community development, church planting, business, etc.
- We will be able to seek out, locate, and choose a strategic place in the city to live - according to the ministry we see ourselves committing to.
- We will be able to discuss our partnership with a Ghanaian family and dream about what the partnership of the gospel might look like with their family. We will be able to also learn and grow from their experience of living and working in Niger for the past two and a half years.
- We will be re-infused with our passion of reaching those who have not had an opportunity to hear the name of Jesus and to train and raise disciples to plant churches in Niger and possibly other parts of the world.
- We will have the opportunity to meet up with a group of CIY interns (14 students from Ozark Christian College and Lincoln Christian College) who have committed their summer to surveying Mali and Niger. Our goal will be to challenge them to think about living and working in West Africa and even challenge them to think about joining our team in the future.
- Jessie (Jace’s wife – Jace traveled with my short term survey team in 2005 and has since married Jessie and they have committed to moving in the direction of Niger) will see the country for the first time.
- Katie will be able to see her fiancé who is traveling with the CIY intern team after a two month separation!

Our Itenerary looks like this:

• July 27th: Depart from Indianapolis to New York City (Delta): Stay the night


• July 28th: Spend the day in NYC with Jeannie (a friend of the team)
  Fly from NYC at 8:20 PM and arrive in Casablanca, Morocco at 7:50 AM


• July 29th: Spend the day in Casablanca and fly out in the evening at 10:55 PM and arrive in Niamey, Niger at 3:30 AM.


• July 30-August 3: Spend time traveling to Agadez, a large northern city of Niger with the CIY interns.


• August 4th -16th: Spend time surveying: cost of every day living including housing, furniture, transportation, food, clothing etc. so that we can formulate a budget. Looking for already existing ministries and conversing with them about their ministry and their experience with living in Niger. Meeting with government officials and introducing ourselves in order that we might receive their consent to live and work in Niger. We hope to also make a few connections with some Nigerien Christians with whom we might fellowship and grow with while we are there. We will also take some free time to see the national museum and zoo of Niger.


• August 17th: Depart from Niamey at 4:20 AM and arrive in Casablanca at 7:00 AM. We will spend the day in Casablanca, Morocco and depart in the evening at 10:40 PM. We will arrive in NYC at 2:45 AM and take some time to rest and sleep again at Jeannie’s during the day of the 17th.


• August 18th: We will have this day to spend with Jeannie and rest before Katie and I depart NYC at 6:40 PM and arrive in Indianapolis at 9:30 PM. We will stay the night in Indianapolis.


• August 19th: We will begin our car ride home to Joplin, MO…stopping in Lincoln and Taylorville on our way south. We hope to arrive in Joplin by late evening.

Would you pray alongside us for health and safety as we make our trip? Most importantly, would you pray that we might obediently submit to Christ our goals and dreams for our future work in Niger? Thanks for offering your love, support, and prayers in helping us make our passion of living and serving in Niger possible.

Exit Ramps...

Greetings to all my loved ones...

I have arrived at yet another stop along my life's journey, or will you allow me to use a new vocabulary… exit ramp … I have been thinking of this idea after reading a new book (of course!) and my 3.5 hour drive on Interstate 74 today. An exit ramp on a highway simply allows an opportunity to go a different way. There are always exit ramps...always an opportunity to go in a new direction. Some ramps take us to new highways, some to county roads, and some lead us home. I'm now exiting the highway of "College, work, close proximity to friends, and deep and intimate friendships" and I'm merging into a new Highway of life...

The exit ramp which I am currently merging onto is an anticipated stop. It's been in the itinerary for a while. I have chosen to spend my summer working with Mission Indy. This is a non-profit organization in Indianapolis that focuses on equipping Christians to serve others in an urban environment. I spent the summer of 2004 with Mission Indy and credit a lot of my maturity and ministry philosophy to their efforts of equipping me with the right questions to ask, the ability to love, and I learned a little bit about sweating too :) - you can learn more about MI at missionindy.com . God has led me back to this exit ramp again. Here I will be for the rest of May, and the months of June, and July teaching sweet, smelly, ornery children about Jesus and his enduring pursuit of their little hearts...mentoring Jr. High youth group kids and challenging them to think about what God is doing in the city…all the while working alongside 9 other girls who have decided to exit on the same ramp…Oh, Lord teach me to have faith like the little ones…love on the bigger ones…and learn from the grown ones.

I'm choosing to think about life’s journey in this way because after the last four years I'm leaving the all too familiar highway I've been traveling. I've visited quite a number of different exit ramps...some with long drawn out stretches that allow plenty of time to merge into the new line of traffic...some have been breathtakingly sharp and very abrupt, leaving a small amount of time for compensating yet I manage to hold tightly to Jesus and he slowly helps me weave into the new pace... oh, He is so good.

What exit ramp are you on right now? Where are you headed on your journey?. George Ross has an interesting thought about the journey. He says, "Yesterday was FOR you, today is ABOUT you, and tomorrow is UP to you". I hope you are enjoying your journey...

Thanks for all your deep love, support, and willingness to travel with me on this journey. I’m blessed because of you.

Grace and Deep Peace to you.

February - March Newsletter: God and Fancy Tableclothes!!