Broken Expectations

I've decided something. And I thought I would share with you.

I'm in favor of broken expectations.

Yeah, I am.

Broken expectations.
Juggle that around in your brain for a few seconds.
Broken Expectations.

"Why?" - I'm sure you're bursting with curiosity...

I'm the "Naive Queen" when it comes to expectations...I say this in a joking way - but in all honesty with myself and with you - I'm really good at not knowing, or simply being naive of my OWN expectations ... I found this out a few years ago during my sophomore year of college. I learned a lot during my four years at Lincoln, but this may have been one of the most valuable ‘life lessons’ I learned. In every situation, conversation, meal, prayer - we have expectations.

Many times my expectations aren't met, and I am forced to rummage and sort through feelings of failure, confusion, regret, etc... all a result of not being able to understand or even know all of my own expectations.

Expectations give us hope: they send us moving in a direction: they are a measuring instrument.

I have spent the last year of my life in Joplin: living, working, breathing, eating, sleeping –I’m sure you get the idea. This year has given birth to lots of broken expectations.

I've rubbed shoulders with people I never dreamt I would meet. I not only met them but entered into friendship. I've had conversations with strangers who were incredibly intriguing. I've struggled continuously with, but learned to enjoy being alone. I've also learned to become selfish with my time. I've spent a lot of time in the sweet sanctuary of Starbucks, yet regrettably I've spent a lot less time in the sanctuary of sweet friends. I've learned to find new routes to and from the same destination, but I have found myself veering off course more than ever...and being ok with it. I've become more mature in silence, accepting the blank sound filling my ears - sometimes bringing a feeling of satisfaction.

As I was preparing to move back to Lincoln, I had a few expectations of my last week in Joplin:
- spending time wrapped up on the couch reading a good book
- checking my e-mail every few hours
- drinking re-heated coffee well into the late afternoon
- meeting with friends for lunch or dinner
- being domestic: cooking, cleaning, laundry

In reality and in spite of my own expectations– I wasn’t able to do any of these things. You see, a huge ice storm swept through Joplin…knocking out electricity for most of the city. It was crazy! The town was in a frenzy – traffic was backed up – Wal-Mart turned into a boarding house for selfish people trying to get what they “needed”…We had no electricity for 6 days: no heat, no light - what is this, Africa? ha!

But these broken expectations allowed time for other things:
- sleeping at Jace and Jesse's for 5 nights and 6 days: warmth, hot shower, good laughter and hearty conversations
- being creative with meals
- sitting by a real fire (I realized that before there was central heating there was a fireplace in most every room of the house
- meeting new people at Starbucks
- homemade oatmeal scotchies
- finding new places to recharge my cell phone and find internet (what was life like before this?) - remembering what a blessing and convenience electricity offers us

I think that expectations are holy...even if they’re broken. They offer us hope and serve as a measuring stick. If we look hard enough, even our broken expectations help us envision how faithful God is - eternally - presently. Because even when our expectations aren't all they're cracked up to be - God is still all he's cracked up to be - and our broken expectations give us a clearer glimpse of his faithfulness - his goodness.

I expected a totally different week. But those expectations were broken. And what a glorious and delightful week this has been. Maybe our broken expectations are a way God reminds of of his presence in our life.

P.S. - Oh, and I cut my hair - bet you didn't expect that! :)